Maternal Mental Health Week
If you had asked me how I was doing in those early postpartum weeks, I would have said "great!" and I wouldn't have been lying. Okay, I had to ask my OB/GYN to increase my anxiety medication, and yes, I was up every three to four hours pumping. But I thought: everyone knows your life changes after having a baby. This is normal.
Now that I am on the other side of it, I can see that I was struggling in those early months. But I can only see that because I'm finally starting to feel like myself again. And if I'm being 100% honest? I'm still not fully recovered. My c-section scar is still healing (a quick Google search will tell you that a deep uterine scar can take two years to fully heal). I'm still having skin issues related to the hormones associated with pregnancy and post-partum. So yes, I'm better. But I'm also still recovering. And that's okay.
Here's the thing: when you're pregnant, you see your doctor monthly, then biweekly, then every single week. After you've had the baby, when your body is healing and at its most vulnerable, you don't see the doctor for six weeks. And when you finally do, it's essentially "good luck, you're medically cleared, see you for your annual!" It's beyond crazy.
We have a maternal mental health crisis in this country. The system isn't designed to support moms, much less working moms. There's no federal paid maternity leave, no structured return-to-work support, no subsidized childcare. Women are expected to walk back into their lives after giving birth and act like everything is the same, when in reality, their entire world has been turned upside down.
It's okay to not be okay. It's okay to ask for help - I wish I had asked sooner. I wish I had been able to put into words how alone I felt. I had this immense, overwhelming gratitude for my perfect, healthy baby, while also grieving the life I'd had before he was born. Both things were true at the same time. I felt gratitude and pressure. I felt the joy and the strain of trying to be it all: the perfect mom, the perfect wife, the perfect friend, daughter, sister, employee. Somewhere in all of that, I forgot about just being me.
Moms are the backbone of society. Every single person on this earth has a mom. We deserve real, structural support, not just an awareness week and a pat on the back. If you're in the thick of it right now, I see you. It won't always feel this heavy, I promise. You'll feel like yourself again. You'll feel almost the same.
Post-Partum Mental Health Resources:
Now that I am on the other side of it, I can see that I was struggling in those early months. But I can only see that because I'm finally starting to feel like myself again. And if I'm being 100% honest? I'm still not fully recovered. My c-section scar is still healing (a quick Google search will tell you that a deep uterine scar can take two years to fully heal). I'm still having skin issues related to the hormones associated with pregnancy and post-partum. So yes, I'm better. But I'm also still recovering. And that's okay.
Here's the thing: when you're pregnant, you see your doctor monthly, then biweekly, then every single week. After you've had the baby, when your body is healing and at its most vulnerable, you don't see the doctor for six weeks. And when you finally do, it's essentially "good luck, you're medically cleared, see you for your annual!" It's beyond crazy.
We have a maternal mental health crisis in this country. The system isn't designed to support moms, much less working moms. There's no federal paid maternity leave, no structured return-to-work support, no subsidized childcare. Women are expected to walk back into their lives after giving birth and act like everything is the same, when in reality, their entire world has been turned upside down.
I want to be clear: I like being a working mom. I like having a professional identity that's separate from being a mom and a wife. But I genuinely believe it wouldn't have taken me this long to feel like myself again if I'd had more support during that crucial transition period, when I had to transition back to "normal" when my heart was literally living outside my body now.
So let's actually talk about it. Because too many of these things have been normalized, and they're not normal:
So let's actually talk about it. Because too many of these things have been normalized, and they're not normal:
- Postpartum intrusive thoughts aren't normal
- Postpartum depressive episodes aren't normal
- D-MER while breastfeeding isn't normal
- Extreme, unrelenting irritability isn't normal
- Feeling like your baby or family would be better off without you isn't normal
- Leaving your newborn before 12 weeks to return to work isn't normal
People will try to minimize these experiences. They've become so common in our society that we've started calling them normal. But "common" and "normal" aren't the same thing.
It's okay to not be okay. It's okay to ask for help - I wish I had asked sooner. I wish I had been able to put into words how alone I felt. I had this immense, overwhelming gratitude for my perfect, healthy baby, while also grieving the life I'd had before he was born. Both things were true at the same time. I felt gratitude and pressure. I felt the joy and the strain of trying to be it all: the perfect mom, the perfect wife, the perfect friend, daughter, sister, employee. Somewhere in all of that, I forgot about just being me.
Moms are the backbone of society. Every single person on this earth has a mom. We deserve real, structural support, not just an awareness week and a pat on the back. If you're in the thick of it right now, I see you. It won't always feel this heavy, I promise. You'll feel like yourself again. You'll feel almost the same.
Post-Partum Mental Health Resources:
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